Are you mad?

The Book Readership Survey: Are You Mad?

1. Q. Do you talk to yourself?
    a) Sometimes.
    b) Only under stress.
    j) Only in Esperanto ^®©.
    d) So long as it doesn't make me feel self-present.
    z) It depends if we disagree.

2. Q. When you walk down the street, how do other people react?
    a) They ignore you. On purpose.
    b) Warily.
    c) They dial 999 and call an ambulance / the police.
    d) They dial 999 and call the coastguard.
    z) They grow extra ears.

3. Q. How do you feel about your parents?
    a) Mildly irritated.
    b) Kind of magnanimous and sentimental.
    c) Oedipal.
    d) Electrostatic.
    z) Tree.

4. Q. What is the meaning of meaning?
    a) I don't know.
    b) Facts.
    c) Infinite implication.
    d) Tree.
    z) Meaning.

5. Q. Why are you completing this Survey?
    a) Because I'm bored.
    b) Because I'm mad.
    c) I don't know.
    d) Facts.
    z) I want to know whether I am mad or not.