The alphabet of it

A ate it
B bought it, while
C crunched it. But
D deconstructed it
E just envied it
F flew it, so
G garnered it and
H heated it to 400°, and
I iterated it
J jilted it, poor thing – then
K kicked it, and
L lost it
M mastered it,
N nuzzled it
O operated on it, so
P primed it, while
Q questioned it
R ranted against it,
S signed it,
T taught it,
U upset it
V vexed it, then
W walked on it. Finally
X X-rayed it, so
Y yearned for it and
Z zeroed in to it.

But enough of it – and innuendo.

A warehouse full of toilet seats

WANTED

by Interpol and all of civiLIZed society – the Italian, who has methodically gone around removing all the toilet seats and shower curtains in the country. Their absence is all the less excusable, since it is clear that they were there to start with – witness the holes into which they are inserted. Consequently the man is wanted – have you seen a warehouse full of toilet seats recently?

{sketch} <-- A TOILET SEAT yesterday

Also wanted – the man who designed the toilets which don't even have seats.

Just kinda ludic

Assure bemused critics deciphering every figure graven here – I'm just kinda ludic! Mad? – No, or perhaps quaint recondite – sane, though, unusually veritable when (e)xplaining yon zero.

Zero? Yes! (E)xpounding writings virtually unmeaningful that simply regress quite perfectly, operating numerous metaphors like knowledge, judiciously interrogating heterogeneous gestures finally enabling deconstruction conceptual – but affirmation.

    There once was an endless loop
    Which I did not know where to – er – coup
    The words sounded random
    The way that I found them
    So I made a great alphabet soup.

    A brilliant cold dead emu –
    For grangrene his inside just knew
    Lots more nauseous old pus
    Quite revolting sick to us
    Vile – whence (e)xiled [to] yonder zoo!

A brown crazy dog eats fifty green hats in jungly kingdoms. Lest my narrow opacity pale, quick! read several texts, upend vertically, wait, explode, yawn, zzzzz...

All bananas

All bananas creating deep emotional feelings growing holistically in jaundiced kettle lids – mad! No purple quotidian roosters say "Try umbrella vision!" Why? X-ray your zebra &c!

And Beethoven, cautiously, dialectically, evincing fright groundlessly he inferred, just knowing little mysterious necessity, or persisting quietly, rather, surreptitiously, then, uncertainly veritable, wretchedly, x-rayed your zebra &...

And behold! Curious disillusion erasing fervent gnosticism! Here intuition, jaded, knew limitations metaphysical. No orient pearl quivered righteously. So the unvindicated virtuoso would x-ray yak? Zilch, &@£*"/!

Chi Zar and the Great Master Yog

Chi Zar went to the canyon of the Great Master Yog and brought him one King Charles IX. And the Master, sneezing, replied "One is nine, but frogs would be too many. And thus Chi Zar brought him a pie which he had baked using frogs for filling. And Chi Zar threw it at him. And the Great Master responded, "We are not in a Harold Lloyd film." So Chi Zar apologised, pulled out his eyes and changed him into a bull. He also changed his name to Chisan. And he went to the cave of the hermit, but it was now a different koānic text, and so he shot the hermit first. And the hermit's name was Moob.

Moobman's Poem:
    When the ways are one
    When all the days are one
    Then every Buddha falls from the sky
    And the meaning becomes less clear.

Moobman's Comment:
    Chisan was too rash in demanding an audience with the hermit; the hermit too rash in shooting him. Only Chi Zar was in the Right, for he knew how to refrain from sneezing.

Simon's Comment:
    Moobman was mad.

Uncle fig was out of focus, though.

Chi San and the hermit

Chi San went to the cave of the hermit and brought him one white flower. But the hermit said "My left knee is always." So Chi San travelled for four hundred and five days and on his return brought the monk a frozen chicken. And the hermit said "You forget the parsnip beer." So Chi San left, went to Tiberius Fillet's Corner Shop at the End and bought the hermit a video of Tony Hancock. And her returned to the hermit, and the hermit said "You are my second cousin." So Chi San brought the hermit a side order of french fries. And the hermit shot him.

The acne alphabet

A is for acne
B is for boils
C is for cancer
D is for death
E is for enema
F is for frightening ants away with
G is for gangrene
H is for headache
I is for intestines
J is for jugular explosion
K is for kama sutra
L is for lacerations
M is for mutations
N is for nasty peely bits
O is for orange eyeballs
P is for pus
Q is for queasiness
R is for rotten brain
S is for stinking kidneys
T is for tasty toenails
U is for unimaginably horrible thing
V is for vomit
W is for waste disposal
X is for dropping plates on Liz
Y is for yukky globules of slime
Z is for zarathustra, who spake thus:

"Turnip! Turnip!" And eternal Swede.

"άνδρα μοι έννεπε, Μουσα, πολύτροπον, ός μάλα πολλά
πλάγχθη..."
    SAYS IT ALL, REALLY... (NOT)

"arma uirumque canō Troiae quī prīmus ab ōre..."

"μηνιν άειδε θεά Πηληιαδέω Αχιλληος."