Luigiustic pofferation

"pofferation" – n. Linguistic {which, through careless i-dotting, looks like "Luigiustic"} belch caused by excess wind in the vocabulary bringing about chronic attacks of fragmented polysyllables.

(This is an ex-pol-y negative space evacuated )
          syll                     by one word only to be
                        ab                 filled with more.
                                  le

{Empty rectangle with a big arrow pointing into it} Watch this space until I tell you to stop.
(At this point it seems only fair to point out that the author is dead.)

What does "Luigiustic" (sic) mean?

a) Appertaining to overcooked pasta
b) Descriptive of drunken or incompetent attempts at nonspecific pronunciation (cf. "pofferation")
c) Greenish beige
d) A misspelling for "aspidistra".

The pyramid of Liff

"SMART GUNS MARRY FLOSMO?" screamed Bill Giles (and so is Michael
фиш
ποισσόν
ichthýs)
"Hello."
    "Goodbye."
        "What is this a representation of?"

{A wheeled table bearing a decorated elliptical slab on which there stands a pyramid. The front of the pyramid has a circular aperture embedded in a square slot. The pyramid's apex is flashing. A double-ended curved arrow hangs in front, pointing to either side. A musical note floats out.}

(a) a metrognome
(b) a broken clock
(c) a broken mind
(d) a broken pencil (pointless)

And now on BBC1, BBC2.

"So what does 'Liff' mean?"

a) An abbreviation of "Liffey", middle name of Anna Livia Plurabelle (sometimes), and riverrun that rivers through Dublin.
b) A misspelling for "lift".
c) A homonym of "Liff".
d) A misspelling for "cart".

Is this question rhetorical?

Invasions

{Rough drawing of something labelled "shore" next to something labelled "sea" containing a couple of things labelled "pig"}

What does this represent?

(a) An event of 1962.
(b) Geoffrey's inability to draw.
(c) The rantings of a deranged madman.
(d) None of these.
(e) All of these.
(f) Somewhere in between.
(g) What was the middle one again?
(h) There is no (h).

The graph of guilt

{Sawtooth line graph}

Does this graph (glyph) represent
(a) γ-rays from Terry's hamster
(b) Unemployment in Kenya
(c) Liz's guilt pangs
or (d) is it a rough map of the Himalayas?

{Upside down} Answer – it all depends on context.

There once was a young postgraduate
Who found it so hard to concentrate
She just watched TV
Or read theory
Perpetual guilt was her wretched fate.

Oscar Moskva

There once was a cabbage called Oscar
Who wasn't conducted by Tosca-
Nini, because he was dead
Even though he occasionally said
"No I'd rather be living in Moskva."

There once was a chap called Zinoviev
Who had a friend called Kamenev
He was on the politburo
But I think tomorrow
He'll find himself in the grave

Tennis deconstruction and mould

There once was a yellow called Bruce
Though green it was no earthly use
Thus yogurt aberrant
It wasn't inherent
In context quite radically abstruse.

There once was a chap called Lenin
Whom you'll find buried in the Kremlin
His real name was Ulyanov
But the real question remains, of
course? – Was he right in his doctrine?

There once was a Poghril called Stalin
Who would burst into song "Oh My Darlin'"
Though this limerick scans
(As well as it cans)
It has little to do
With World War II
And breaks out of its genre at the end
    Turning into
        Free verse and
            Eventually
merely a lot of rubbishy prose about the mating habits of the African koala-gibbon brain cells tennis deconstruction and mould.

Depictions

Let's play – Embarrass the Foreign Secretary!

Mr/Miss/Sofa Foreign Secretary (who? ho?) Yes!, [yes]

Do you remember this picture? {The Mona Lisa} (If seven please pass.)

And does it depict?
a) Yourself in the bath with René Magritte
b) James Mason in a skirt
c) No.

How about this one? {The silhouette of a rhinoceros, crossed out}

a) The rhino under erasure
b) The signo under erasure
c) Yourself aged three
d) Two fish

{Hypnotic spirals}

a) A
b) Aa
c) Aaa
d) Aaargh!
e) Mr & Mrs J. Z. Wiggo of Skelmersdale, Often.

{Message box: "Press Break"}
{Message box, now cracked}

{An elephant with a question mark on its side}
Something else.

{gibberings of a mad babmmmzn¹}

WP{WP}UK,DRL


¹ Buffoon?