The calm before the storm

{The next four pages bear only a stain of spilled tea.}

Carpet boom

CHAPTER 4

Arthur reflected that the carpet tasted rather unpleasant. But did his choking, half-vomiting response constitute a reflection of the nature of the carpet, always supposing that it had one?

When firstly the Moppocrump spoke,
It came out like a sneeze (and awoke),
Seven rhubarbs ignited
And got so excited
They utterly misheard the joke.

                    (Boom, boom.)

< < BOOM > >

                    Moob.

oobm

Serenity peg

{Flow chart, starting at the bottom: "A Bit Limited", leading to "WHERE?", which is also led to by "Good question". A large chunky arrow leads on to a square box from whose left side four arrows point to a cloud of "UNIVERSES", being held up by five upward-floating arrows. From the top of the box a bendy arrow emerges, forking left to a "YES" pentagon caught in an infinite loop, and right to a "NO" triangle" from which the option exists to go further right to "SOMETIMES". Below the chart is a blob labelled "INK", and next to it the letters of the word "CIRCLE" are arranged in a ring with arrows between them pointing inwards to a very small circle.}

Thought Kiwi drink under belated
Said Cardinal Newman translated
Penguin and a leg
Serenity Peg
Who cares if it don't egg with limpet.

Pickled onion

"The world is my onion, fellow," said she
            And hoped her knee
                        Would agree.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHH!!!

Pardon.

A seldom not pickled in gin
Being not was enormously thin
Peculiar, delighted
And mildly benighted
It had to not stop to begin.

Attila's kind of day

My kind of day
ATTILA THE HUN

(Picture)

{A fish surrounded by inverted exclamation marks, one of which is shaded in.}

Mornings are my favourite time of day – the best occasion for depredations, I always find. I have five cups (made of human skulls) of goats' milk (or maybe vice versa) and then it's off for some good plundering, pillaging etc. Naturally the barbarian hordes and I have a lunch-break and watch Neighbours. We then covet their possessions and finally remove them from them forcibly. But life's not all "slay, slay, slay". There are lots of mouths to feed in my household: 843, in fact, so there's a fair bit of shopping needed. Luckily we've discovered an excellent chain of shopping centres (whose prices are a steal) conveniently widely spread and well stocked – I believe it's called the "Roman Empire" – catchy title.