Next week – raked greens and how to append them.
But first, the garden. How does it grow? Here's our wobbling correspondent, Bill Gardenrollerwithrottingmossonit. Bill...
(syrup of horse)
"Good evening and welcome to another packed edition of Aardvark monthly, in which we investigate aardvarkiana. But first – Wilfred the wombat. Or not." The Legio XIV Fulminata advanced on the city.
Later this evening, we will be talking to Johnny Ball, who has been a non-Indo-European language for eight months now but was able to recall this interview.
Q. How does it feel, as I'm sure everyone's dying to ask, to be a non-Indo-European language?
[Everyone dies, offstage]
JB. Gno'bbsk aaah tiktik. Greee dddzaby zaby. Great.
Q. So – are there any problems?
JB. Well, it gets pretty boring at weekends, but Tuesdays are good.
Q. Why is that?
JB. I've always liked them. I imagine them small and blue, with lots of feet and hands. And even at weekends, I tell myself "This is more fun than paintball or being Bernard Matthews." I used to play monopoly.
Q. So – goodbye and thank you.
JB. Snar snarrr biddle de koow.
Tonight on "Wasting Time" we asked a randomly selected group of people "What first drew you to become a randomly selected group of people?" Brian (not his real name) told us: "Well, of course, being a randomly selected group of people, we had never met! But one day I picked up the telephone directory, opened the phone and called Shirley (not his real name). I asked him whether he would like to become part of a randomly selected group of people, and he said 'Piss off.' I reminded him that he would be a genuine representative of a minority group if he wore women's clothes. He said 'When do we start?'"
