Q-ogonek

The Dne

{mirror writing} ™2991 DAM GNIVAR ©

{An upside-down roadsign that says GIVE WHY. Speech bubbles around it say PTONG, PTING and PTERANODON.}

And finally on BBC2 this yawning, the gratuitous word "bladder". Thank you.

FX: Universe ignites.

QUIT {box, ticked}

d'ausgeherumbeaufαποφλέγματig

γαρβαγε

Q-OGONEK has returneδ! {a huge back-to-front cedilla attached to a capital Q}

{scribbly lines}

Oh dear
        I've gone insane
                When did it happen
        Some time from now

Niffly
Snibbledy hobbledy

Doing the doo

GRAMS: Sig. (3rd time)

NARRATOR: And now, before the credit sequence, let us continue the plot, which (you will recall, dear listener) involved Arthur, Theodora and the Pope (stapled to the ceiling).

FX: Pope stapled to ceiling (if not available, use Pope stapled to cat).

ARTHUR: So, Popey, back the death penalty, would you?

THEODORA: Try and have 2 P's in your name, would you?

ARTHUR: He thought he saw an argument—

LEWIS CARROLL: Ah, that gives me an idea!

POPE: And from all of us here in this celebrity tank of custard-gunge, in nomine Christi, Amen and Good knight!

FX: Radio explodes; people screaming in their beds as they are devoured by flames in the final holocaust.

FX: An entire eternity of nothing, followed by silence and the latenight weather forecast.

GRAMS: Betty Boo, Doing the Doo.

ANNOUNCER (too much reverb): Good knife!

GRAMS: Sig. (792nd time)

This is Radio 6

NARRATOR (backwards): Gogrilla Mincefriend, a strange being from the Pyrotechnic of Manhatter, is now thought by certain leading experts in psycho-chromatography to be the world's least yellow and most disturbingly disarming instantly reversible black paisley sofa bed.

FX: Narrator demolished by bulldozer.

GRAMS: Sig. Roobarb & Custard (backwards).

ANNOUNCER: This is Radio 6. This is Radio 5. This is Radio 4. This is Radio 3. This is Radio 2. This is Radio 1. This is Radio...

FX: Announcer drowned out in smoke and flames; he blasts off to the moon.

NARRATOR: Bit stuck on after signature tune, using echo (FX), flange (FX) and reverb (FX), including a delightful potato trifle made, eaten and sent in by Mrs Q. J. Kerrison of Nos Irrek J.Q., Sunnyville, California. She can be contacted at this number:

CART: (jingly) 010-349-8625-765892

FX: Cat stapled to roof.

And so the cosmos began

FX: Shoe peeled off wall.

NARRATOR: And so the cosmos began.

GRAMS: Sig. Roobarb & Custard.

NARRATOR: Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the word "tarambibobulania" exists and what it is here for, we would know a whole lot more about the nature of life, the wildebeest and fish 'n' chip shops. Others claim that life never existed anyway and that all organic biology is merely a figment of its own, deranged, imagination. In this awkward dilemma, the best solution seems to be...

FX: Narrator explodes.

GRAMS: Last Post.
rapidly mixed through to
Scott Joplin, Entertainer.
Fade.

FX: Sudden burst of applause.
Gorilla noises.
Omelette dropped.

GRAMS: Pink Panther.

Toothpost

"Orstrilian"

{Assorted scribbles}

floaty toothpost

goaty poothghost

ghosty doldrums

etc.

{A word pokes its head out of the ground, and thinks "MM?". It is about to be stepped on by an enormous shoe.}

Mattock blubber

Enough of this fruitcake-iana.

Take 5 upturned rhododendrons, add 15 words (with or without punctuation), 6 gear changes, and 250g Wales blubber. Divide it by four geese. Add liquid wombat and stirfried lampshade. Garotte quietly until mildly pink; leave in shade until gibbering nicely (or wielding a mattock). Then put in arena and execute lightly with Christians (wild animals optional).

Eric the Warhammer adds, "This is one of my favourites. For best results do this one on a Friday (or in a microwave). A little Castrol GTX always helps – or Australian whine."

shurely "Orstraliun".

– Waffle.