P.S. "Disembowelled leprous cockroach with recognisable chunks of chewy throat and mongoose-cabbage, all melted together and injected into your bloodstream with a disused biro, and teabags" was not included, on the grounds that some readers/diners might find it offensive.
at...
Honest Frint's Cruddy Eating-Shed
(only if you're drinking
a. Bacardi
b. bath-water
c. soap)
Goodnight.
d) Aubergine ovaltine
e) f)
g) h
SPECIAL FOR SUNDAY
Worms in Margarine
Tongue Full of Nails
Melon with Carcass of Bison
Wart and Thistle Soup
---
Roast Skunk and Bristling Loo
Steaming Flodge in Spiky Tortoise
Tortured Bovine Vomit
Crispy Platter of Muscles and Grass
Ripped Stomach in Phlegm
---
Lumpy Stodgecake
Blue Vegetables Baked in Liver
Your Own Thigh... In A Pie
Foul Uvulas with Gangrene
Mandarin Oranges in Skin and Frogs
---
Liquidised Chef In His Own Veins
Yesterday's Regurge
Starkers:
Silicon Porridge with Medicine
Fruit Juice and Forehead in Luke-Warm Washing-Up Water
Chip Pan Smashed on your Elbow
Filthy Tractor Tyres in Mince
Puke:
Dish of the Day (14 August 1932, when the Chef made it)
Stained Utensils dipped in pig's entrails for no reason
Antlers with Armpits
Fire Extinguisher Fluid and Tipp-Ex Full of Horse Dung and Rubbish
Strangely Unpleasant Cocktail of Rabbit's Fur and Video Tape
Googly Wumple combed slightly into a Horrible Fricassée of Yak Grit
Toothpaste and Gravel Painted into your Eyes by our delightful herring-do Grumbo the Moist
Greek Sick:
Moussaka with protruding limbs soaked too long in retsina and ketchup
Taramosalata with an interesting smell of fish-bones and garotting
Ouzo with stuffed gibbon and something
Goatburger made entirely out of recycled coat-hangers, coated in a disturbingly crunchy spread of sprouts and spider-mulch
Deserters:
Liquidised Carrots and Shaving Cream
Cherry Waste, drooled over by a brainless quadruped
Unwashed Bed Full of Astonishing Numbers of Eels and other Surprises
Pie with Bucket
Knees on Toast, plus Cabbage and Saliva
Sickly Gratings of Rhinoceros Tusk in Water
And Finally:
Flambéed Chef in an Onion Batter
