Putrid offal sandwiches

In Tomorrow's "Storybook", Albert decimates the population of Middlesex and uses their mortal remains to make interesting and imaginative paperweights.

Also – we'll be giving helpful hints on putrid offal sandwiches (here's one I prepared much, much earlier...)

There will also be a competition for the best collection of used tea-bags and the most bizarre decapitation. All heads must be claimed after the programme, as we cannot accept responsibility for returning them.

His brain was resting in hospital last night after a 36-hour ordeal with the shrimps.

Albert the monster

There was a long green monster
A monster thick was he
He had an aunty Gertrude
And he took her out for tea

She tasted... green.....

The monster's name was Albert
He had a bowler hat
He kept it in a filbert
To hide it from his cat

The cat was... mean.....

The cat was sometimes oddish
The cat was sometimes mad
It liked to smell old codfish
Especially if bad

They smelt... obscene.....

Albert liked railway stations
And eating people's knitting
He didn't like orations
Or much excessive spitting

He was quite... clean.....

For a monster – though he dabbled
In mudsprings in a land which
Had dung-heaps where he paddled
With a putrid offal sandwich

Green – and obscene!

Ping the Jabberwock

No. 24 SENSE --> {Diagram of a wibbly island containing a house, a tree, and two fish}

"Hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, thou Beamish Stout!
Calloo Calay!" he chortled in his gout.
[sorry: – goat]

The Ichthyosaurus

This poor beast found a doleful end
(It makes me weep to tell it)
One day it overheard its name
And then it pined and died of shame
Because it could not spell it.

There was a fishy lizardy thing
And sometimes it went: – Ping!
'Tis of this fishy lizardy I sing.
Ping!

Enorbous

Hello, persons.

I'm going to tell you about the Enorbous Orm.

It's groon, you see.

Made of fudge and treacly bits, bicycle chains, and old things with no name any longer.

{Increasingly illegible}

Full fathom furlongs of foom.

And as my writing degenerates into complete illegibility {illegible scribble}