Are you an Author?

Are you an Author?

1. Are you Dead?

a) Yes   [2 points for being a wise guy and knowing what to do about it.]

b) No   [No points for galloping presumptuous empirical naïveté.]

c) Don't know.   [You are Hamlet. Don't let it worry you. Pass directly into writing and do not collect £200 for killing Rosencrantz/Guildenstern who are one up as they do not even know which one they are talking about.]

d) Only when there is a bulbul in the syllabub.   [Blithering babe! You're barking mad!]

e) Are you a subject?   [17,008 points for d*c*nstr*ct*ng first and asking questions afterwards. To be subtracted if you fail to question this statement.]

f) Doesn't that beg the question?   [Not good enough – see above.]

g) Is it a question?   [-7 – see above again.]

h) "                     "   [Correct. You are an author. You may even be "the" author. So we are not going to give you any points anyway. This questionnaire has already ignored you. Have a nice day, "now".]

I said "This is boring", and answered me – "so is this!".

Raving author

All deads – raving author!

All mads – raving Poland!

Who is Sylvia?

Reginald Magdalen's geranium

666 – the number after 665, but only in certain contexts.

Albert, a three-toed sloth, also called eternity.

Textville timetable

What is the number of Swindon? Please look after this text.

0852  Normalopolis            0946
      (Central station)
      Slightly peculiar

AD    Definitely               42
1432  degenerating

999   Textville                14 BC
      (change for Derida,
      Deconstruction and
      Asylum)

)     Round the bend           1/2

{dog  Barking Mad              64.3
WOOF}

!     Liz                      ¡
      (peripheral station
      - which is the centre)

v     round the bend           ^
|______________________________|

?     Geoffrey -> right off    ¿
      the map, raving Other.   
                   The what __/

      Hello.  Hellp.