["How exactly are you defining rules, and why?" / "Garble-arble-farble-feeep!" / "Either it's a rule, or it isn't!"]
CRITICISM ONE
Winning condition (c) is unhelpful.
CRITICISM TWO
"Fulfils" has only two L's.
CRITICISM THREE
The winner shall be the first person to win.
Metacriticism One
Negative spaces are almost never wholly unhelpful.
Metacriticism Three
What about the second person to win?
You will play your character in a series of situations in which you will try to win over support whilst acting in character, using special abilities: destabilizing the terms of the debate, pretending to speak Flemish, reducing questions to "Yes, no or Paddy Ashdown", respectively. You also have weaknesses: being unable to remember the day of the week or whether you brought your brain with you, complete barking insanity and pretending to speak Flemish, inner compulsion towards provocative and precarious opinions.
A character will be declared to have won if both of the others fulfil any two of the following:
a) endorse all their opinions enthusiastically
b) become psychologically disturbed to the point of complete vegetation (or in the case of Simon, show signs of conspicuous sanity)
d) sulk for more than seventeen days
e) devote the entirety of their waking efforts towards the victor's claims on world monarchy
f) evince a desire to marry Noel Edmonds or Anneka Rice or both (see b))
g) become accountants, travel agents or microwaves.
A victory shall be invalid if more than three of the following apply:
a) the losers were tired
b) it was after 1 a.m. (see (a))
c) the winner also fulfills two or more of the defeat conditions
d) any other situation.
Remember the rules!
Height: not much taller than Liz, so there.
Strength: but still completely other
Intelligence: 172.9
Obscurantism: 67%
Awareness: 19
[Aye: very old]
GEOFFREY
Description: You are Geoffrey. This is important. You are a megalomaniac; your aim is to take over the world, discover the truth, and render communication perfectly transparent, one language, one people, one meaning, one Reich.
Favourite foods: salad cream, pancakes, cinnamon toast crunchies (m-mmm!), sweetcorn
Favourite writers: Colleen MacCullough(?), Procopius
Heroes: Bertrand Russell, Abba, John MacEnroe, John Stewart Mill, Leonard Cohen, Ludwig Zamenhof (who he?)
Height: !¡
Strength: and then some
Intelligence: 42
Awareness: 42
Obscurantism: 80%
SIMON
Description: You are Simon, a whacky off-beat hitch-hiker Esperantist. Your aim is to convert the world to Esperanto and propagate Douglas Adams' works.
Favourite food: spaghetti, eggs and cheese (on toast).
Favourite surreal: moose, elk, garble.
Heroes: D.A., Kojak, JC Wells and Poodoo
Introducing a brand new adventure game, in which you take the role of a superhero – rather superstudent – and your aim is to found your own minority sect, which aims at total world domination. You may take on any one of the following characters:
-- Negative space?
|
Height: 5'2"
Strength: some
[but what is meant by this concept]
Intelligence: 173½
Obscurantism: 99%
Awareness: 3
LIZ
Description: You are Liz, a placid, happy-go-deconstructionist character. Your aim is to baffle hopelessly any and all you come across. Having reduced the individual to helpless confusion, you may try to lure them into the deconstructionist camp.
Heroes: Derrida, That Man (De Man?), and other war criminals
