Remember the rules

You will play your character in a series of situations in which you will try to win over support whilst acting in character, using special abilities: destabilizing the terms of the debate, pretending to speak Flemish, reducing questions to "Yes, no or Paddy Ashdown", respectively. You also have weaknesses: being unable to remember the day of the week or whether you brought your brain with you, complete barking insanity and pretending to speak Flemish, inner compulsion towards provocative and precarious opinions.

A character will be declared to have won if both of the others fulfil any two of the following:
a) endorse all their opinions enthusiastically
b) become psychologically disturbed to the point of complete vegetation (or in the case of Simon, show signs of conspicuous sanity)
d) sulk for more than seventeen days
e) devote the entirety of their waking efforts towards the victor's claims on world monarchy
f) evince a desire to marry Noel Edmonds or Anneka Rice or both (see b))
g) become accountants, travel agents or microwaves.

A victory shall be invalid if more than three of the following apply:
a) the losers were tired
b) it was after 1 a.m. (see (a))
c) the winner also fulfills two or more of the defeat conditions
d) any other situation.

Remember the rules!