Brain scones

Two news items both of great import
Appear not to have been connected
The cessation of a successful export
And departure of a journalist well respected
Yet the link between the two is clear
And it will shock your very soul
For it is the case – very much so, I fear
[DES?] They are both connected with coal

"Puns – What to do in an Emergency"

"100 Recipes with Safety Pins"

"The Morecambe and Wise Book of Stale Scones"

"The Best of the Argos Catalogue"

Geoffrey's Brain – a map of 136%

{Pie chart. Anticlockwise from top: a shaded sector labelled "UNCONSCIOUS (counterintuitive)"; BINARISM 10%; JOKE ARCHIVE 11%; a sector marked with an upside-down chair and the words "seat of reason, logic &c 2%"; POOR TASTE 8%; ROUTINES 9%; a small unmarked sector; a tiny sector labelled "UNCERTAINTY (trace)"; CERTAINTY 37%, containing a small circle marked "induction/deduction but not necessarily in that order"; MEGALOMANIA 41%; MAGNANIMITY 20%; a sector full of springs, screws, washers and a small explosion, i.e. "THE ALREADY DECONSTRUCTED BIT".}

{This bit is original, except that it isn't.}

Brain cheese

LIZ'S BRAIN (not to scale)

{Pie chart, at least a fifth of which is "WORDS". Small sectors are labelled "GIBBER", "female intuition", "more words" and (a tiny sliver) "memory". At the other side of the chart is a chunk of "Norwegian Goatsmilk Cheese".}

More books

"The great moose–elk debate" – H. Arty Beast

"Wombles of the Serengeti"

"A zombie kidnapped my yak"

"The pop-up guide to toasters"

"Freddy the hamster ate my toast"

"The Observer's Guide to Books"

"Books – their use and abuse"

"1000 places to eat in ancient Rome"

"Beginner's guide to word arranging"