Thnky fr rdng

NOW, ADD UP YOUR POINTS BY COMPARING YOURSELF WITH/TO/UNDER THE CORRECT ANSWER:

5.   (a) What book?
1.   (b) {the same sequence of meaningless characters}
√-2.   (c) NONE OF THESE
√-2.   (p) ANY OF THE ABOVE, UNLESS CHINESE.

Let the mattock unfold gently, but do not allow too much pressure to build up beneath the bung. Be careful to add enough zest. Add custard, vinaigrette, petrol and pulp until smelly. Make hay while the Earth shines. Talk proverbs until the cows go bang. If you SCORED more than 94, ask why? Otherwise ask why the word SCORED appears in cApItAlS. Now, here is the last vowel of the book:

        Q

Oh damn. That's a consonant. Slip of the pen. Typing error. No. Writing error. Here, then is the last consonant of the book:

        W

Thnky fr rdng; w hp y hv njyd t ll s mch s w hv htd wrtng t. Nd w hnd vr nw t th vry lst pg...

Have you read the book?

1. Have you read the book?
    (a) Yes.
    (b) No.
    (c) Now, let's not be binary about this...
    (d) What book?
    (α) Have you seen the garden-roller of the policeman's mother?
        (a) Yes.
        (b) No.
        (c) Now, let's be tertiary about this...
        (d) What policeman?
        (א) {meaningless characters}
            (a) Don't speak Hebrew at me.
            (b) It wasn't Hebrew, it was <aagh>
            (c) Don't be hexadecimal!
            (d) What?
            (ж) Yes.

2. Push the switch marked "QSL" before connecting to mains.

3. Fold AC to FG without sneezing.

4. Do not pass OG. Do not collect 900 złoty.

5. Collect 900 złoty. Sort that one out.

6. Paint the marigolds with green sawdust before ——

—— HEY! I THOUGHT THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A KWESTIONNAIRE! WHOA THERE, LESLIE — WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

So back to the quest
    (a) for the Holy Grail
    (b) for the Wholly Great
    (c) for the Holey Grake
    (d) forehead
    (@) "My name is (not) Michael Caine".

Double-page spread

{written across two pages}

WELCOME TO THE LAST DOUBLE-PAGE SPREAD SURVEY OF THE BOOK!

ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS INCORRECTLY (INK-ERECTLY?) TO DETERMINE:

    (a) whether you have read the book
    (b) whether you have "read" the Book
    (c) whether you have understood anything much
    (d) weather news with Ian "Helloo" McCaskill

[SCORE 5 FOR A WRIGHT ANSWER, 10 FOR A RONG ONE, AND 2598302 FOR AN ABSOLUTELY (W)R... SOMEWHERE IN BETWIXT (Paddy Pending 1992) ONE.]