42 Vico Road, Dublin

[a brimstone-redolent whiff of propaganda? surely not]

But lo! Fortunatamento! The indigenous, (op)pressed minority at 5, Oak Crescent, Littlehampton, Mr. R. B. Treadle (diminished) of 17, The Beeches, Aberystwyth (forthwith) telephoned his twin-town and uncle Mr. Benjamin Tiberius Chang of 42 Vico Road, Dublin (just like the population of 5 Oak Crescent, Littlehampton), and explained, in Greek: "Help! It's a bit Chile round here! Can I come and live in your country bin with my 1.2 billion non-communicants?"

"Sorry, mate," responded Chang, giving a funny receiver-shake. "But 7,999,999 colleagues, fellow travellers and hairy morris-dancers are just staying for the millenium ()---->, it's so convenient."

Chang realised that his brothers, unlike Treadle's, were of luminous goat-gravel numerousness, and cleaned his shoes.

Treadle was a truly wise man and buggered off to be a Buddhist monk.

Moral: Only the Jolly Green Giant has enough toes.

5 Oak Crescent, Littlehampton

The language spoken by most people in the world is Chinese. The trouble is that they all live in one place: all 1.2 billion of them recently moved to 5 Oak Crescent, Littlehampton, where they live comfortably with their wives and 0.3 (billion) children. The community of Littlehampton has welcomed the move, tho' plans for an extension to the home were recently turned down by the council.

"They were very well set out proposals, but they did involve annexinig all of Western Europe for the extension."

So in the meantime the house is somewhat crowded, and has 523 stories. ()---->

NEXT WEEK: All the English speakers converge on Canton to set up a Chinese take-away.