Putrid offal sandwiches

In Tomorrow's "Storybook", Albert decimates the population of Middlesex and uses their mortal remains to make interesting and imaginative paperweights.

Also – we'll be giving helpful hints on putrid offal sandwiches (here's one I prepared much, much earlier...)

There will also be a competition for the best collection of used tea-bags and the most bizarre decapitation. All heads must be claimed after the programme, as we cannot accept responsibility for returning them.

His brain was resting in hospital last night after a 36-hour ordeal with the shrimps.