Upside, downside

{Written upside down}

    Arthur flinched. He looked around him. Everything seemed normal.

    "There appears to have been a gravitational anomaly in freezer bay 5, sir," explicated Mr Data, blinking into existence in much the same way that large blobules of cow don't.

    The communicator bleeped. "Picard," said Arthur, and then wondered why.

    Mr T yelled, "I don't know what the hell's going on around here, Captain, but the engines are gee whizz safe again."

    "Have that man ejected," called Hannibal, coming out of the lift onto the bridge. "Hey, this place is smaller on the upside than the downside."

    "Oh haven't you realised yet," exclaimed Theodora meaninglessly and went and hid the Hannibal on the poop deck.

    "We are about to enter orbit around the planet Cheesecake."

    "Can I have that big slice, please?" enquired Mr T, suddenly falling through a particularly wibbly area of space/time and emerging a paragon of politeness.

    "The cheesecake is with the gravitational anomaly in freezer bay 5, sir," said Mr Data, who was for every apparent reason covered in blue goat's cheese (that's cheese of the blue goat, not month of the hairy frog). "I would advise a swift coordinate reshuffle, followed by a polarity-reversal of the neutron flow, then a quick two hours of Inspector Ttorse, three months' vacation amongst the frozen mauve ice-packs of Glacion VII, a large collection of hamster-hats, this is the bog lipoleum mordering the lipoleum beg, this is the cheese-grunker, this is the cabbage-switch, this is the oozing bucket-mcflodgeon-trumpet of Hell, this is the primorbial atom, this is a proximate demonstrative pronoun of the Inglizh lingvodge, where is my parsnip-fool, this is me in front of the solar panel, this is my great-grate-grandwibble behind the moonset, and this is the end of the sentence," said Data and exploded delightfully. (Hair by Auburne's of Hampsteaf.)

{Right way up again}

Gravity returned and the ship blew.

"Whooo! Whooo!" it said. "That is illogical," murmured the older generation, who had been in the subtext all along.