Perhaps it is ending

10 ways to tell the universe is ending

(1) The recession ends
(2) Pigs fly
(3) You understand deconstructionist texts
(4) Everyone speaks Esperanto
(5) P de M confesses all
(6) Americans acquire civilization
(7) Thatcher apologises
(8) Elks turn into goats (and vice versa)
(9) You find sitcoms funny
(10) The temperature rises a lot (or sinks. Or stays the same)

Oh dear, perhaps it is ending. That means good news for British industry – no more German competition. No more competition at all. No more industry, in fact. Oh well.

{Graph showing "British economy" plunging as "Liz's insanity" rises.} Need we say more?