Emendation, Lewis

Great quotations, number 59.

"There's been a murder, Lewis."

This cannot stand. Or sit; but kneeling is a possibility. For there has been no murder, nor is this an anticipatory remark. Hence "murder" needs to be emended, and the best alternative is clearly "an indoor yak-throwing competition in Shrovebury".

Lewis is also unacceptable – damned Geordie accent. This is clearly an oblique reference to the Professionals – Lewis Collins. Or, still more likely, to Louis XIV, king of France; it is well known that certain members of his court not infrequently indulged in the hurling of yaks (and on occasion bullfrogs). So the quotation now stands at:

There's been an indoor yak-throwing competition in Shrovebury, Louis XIV.

Logic

Today Liz is 22; previously, heretofore she was 21 — the Cabinet are 22 ==> Liz is the Cabinet ==> she is to blame for the appalling conditions in this country --> her answer – "I forget" ==> she probably does a better job than the PM --> not such a good radio programme.

Vervicis

It's good to see Liz drawing arrows. But too much gibber is a dangerous thing.

"Vervicis est sine fine scribere"
                (Himself)

"Būbus" = To/From Cows

1/²e¹

π/8

CON³
-------
√TEXT ÷
---------

--------
  242
--------

"libri est uerbosum esse"

  nūgāx
+ fūfant
------------
= nougāt fōndānt

Stylistically negligible

Not to Scale

{A diagram. On the left is an assortment of lines, rectangular corners and transverse beams, like a heap of broken TV aerials. To the right of this is a house, with three arrows emerging. The middle arrow points to a fish.}

{OLD JOKE (becoming clichéd and hence unsurreal) 2/10}

{The topmost arrow points to the word "gnosticism", from which an arrow leads downwards (past the fish) to "more gnosticism" and thence to "deliberation", "elvish" and "dervish". The final arrow leads to an explosion that blasts the word ANALYTICAL from its core.}

loaf-tree anima of the seventh legless with all termite-crunching species of brain. Stylistically negligible and overt gangrene.

Dead zombies

Good evening. Tonight a report has just come in, as another vital sector is hit by the recession. Dead zombies have been fired tenned on a large scale: employers hope that many (limbs) may be lost through "natural" wastage.

And now – the weather. Most parts of the country are still subject to weather but cut-backs have meant that parts of Wales and the Isle of Man are no longer receiving weather. *

Stir fried chicken are reported to be invading Hong Kong – here is a diagram of John Major's brain ----> · (to scale).

* Dear Sir,
I hope you are well & having weather...

Allusions

    { SATIS FECUNDITATIS
LIZ { PARUM CLARITATIS
    { NIMIUM SANITATIS

"It's an allusion [allegedly]"

Is this a question I see before me?

Oh no! Not another one!

No – here comes another one...

"Dead zombies don't hold tea parties," as the astronaut said to the takerunder.

Dead zombies are redundant. Q.E.D.

Carparking

It is a little know grassy knoll but nonetheless significant fact that 21 February is National Car Parking day. This event, ever since its establishment over 30 seconds ago, has become something of a national institution. Up and down the country events will be held, co-ordinated by the major sponsor of the day, NCP, and a record turn-out is expected. Participators have a host of features to enjoy – there will be workshops on the best techniques for car-parking, including a debate chaired by the Minister for Carparks and Disused Docklands, Sir Timothy Sprognall, dealing with the perennial problem: which is better, reverse or forward parking? There will also be special cinemas set up in various carparks, showing excerpts from many recent films involving scenes in carparks. British director Alan Park-er will be explaining why it is in fact impossible to make a thriller without a murder in a carpark, preferably an underground one.

An exhibition will also be on show, concerning "famous carparks of history" going right back to biblical chariot parks. The event promises to be a popular one, and members of the public are advised to arrive early, to be sure of finding a parking-place.