Toothpost

"Orstrilian"

{Assorted scribbles}

floaty toothpost

goaty poothghost

ghosty doldrums

etc.

{A word pokes its head out of the ground, and thinks "MM?". It is about to be stepped on by an enormous shoe.}

Mattock blubber

Enough of this fruitcake-iana.

Take 5 upturned rhododendrons, add 15 words (with or without punctuation), 6 gear changes, and 250g Wales blubber. Divide it by four geese. Add liquid wombat and stirfried lampshade. Garotte quietly until mildly pink; leave in shade until gibbering nicely (or wielding a mattock). Then put in arena and execute lightly with Christians (wild animals optional).

Eric the Warhammer adds, "This is one of my favourites. For best results do this one on a Friday (or in a microwave). A little Castrol GTX always helps – or Australian whine."

shurely "Orstraliun".

– Waffle.

Wooble

()----> storeys or stories?!

()----> millennium!

Sometimes I think I'm the only one who can smell decently round here. ()---->

Sometimes I just think.

<----() Sometimes I don't.

()----> My word's got no knows.

"Wooble." {upside-down} Gibber

I think too, sometimes. "Woobble."

Meaningless myth

Creation Myth VI

God only did it
To make a name for himself.
Then he discovered
That he was being simplistic;
By that time
It was too late.

Goodnight, and meaningless.

Custard fungus

P.S. One more for the menu:

Grandma's Special Fungal Growths in Broad Bean and Whisky Sauce with Gunge, Grapenuts and Unwaxed Dental Floss. With chips and stimulated custard. Serve intravenously.

Unwashed Dental Floss, maybe? <----()

That would be disgusting!

42 Vico Road, Dublin

[a brimstone-redolent whiff of propaganda? surely not]

But lo! Fortunatamento! The indigenous, (op)pressed minority at 5, Oak Crescent, Littlehampton, Mr. R. B. Treadle (diminished) of 17, The Beeches, Aberystwyth (forthwith) telephoned his twin-town and uncle Mr. Benjamin Tiberius Chang of 42 Vico Road, Dublin (just like the population of 5 Oak Crescent, Littlehampton), and explained, in Greek: "Help! It's a bit Chile round here! Can I come and live in your country bin with my 1.2 billion non-communicants?"

"Sorry, mate," responded Chang, giving a funny receiver-shake. "But 7,999,999 colleagues, fellow travellers and hairy morris-dancers are just staying for the millenium ()---->, it's so convenient."

Chang realised that his brothers, unlike Treadle's, were of luminous goat-gravel numerousness, and cleaned his shoes.

Treadle was a truly wise man and buggered off to be a Buddhist monk.

Moral: Only the Jolly Green Giant has enough toes.

5 Oak Crescent, Littlehampton

The language spoken by most people in the world is Chinese. The trouble is that they all live in one place: all 1.2 billion of them recently moved to 5 Oak Crescent, Littlehampton, where they live comfortably with their wives and 0.3 (billion) children. The community of Littlehampton has welcomed the move, tho' plans for an extension to the home were recently turned down by the council.

"They were very well set out proposals, but they did involve annexinig all of Western Europe for the extension."

So in the meantime the house is somewhat crowded, and has 523 stories. ()---->

NEXT WEEK: All the English speakers converge on Canton to set up a Chinese take-away.