Sebastian the Steamroller

"Sebastian the Steamroller"

Sebastian the Steamroller
Flattened people
He flattened the vicar
And the steeple
He flattened the choir who were singing vespers,
Bankers, nannies and all-in wrestlers
He flattened fifty hell's-angels too
When he was bored and had nothing to do.
And he flattened drunks and louts in lists
And sometimes New Historicists;
He flattened Monists, plumbers, Unitarians
Empiricists, fish and vegetarians
Birdwatchers, Trekkies and Anneka Rice
(Although he thought she was rather nice)
And bananas, biologists, bigots, Mancunians
And most of the members of several Trade Unions
He flattened the Women's Institute
And all of their knitting as well, to boot
He flattened the professor of Old Icelandic
And everyone else who could understand it
And almost all of the cast of "Willow"
But he couldn't squash Arnie the Armadillo.

Arnie faced him, guns a-blazing
As he finished off a bloke selling double-glazing
The fashion for flatness's days were over
When Arnie wasted Sebastian the Steamroller
Sebastian's luck ran out at last – er
When he squashed Arnie's bomb made of sticking plaster
And curry and string and several figs
Blancmange and words and orange twigs
And several songs Terry Wogan sang
Which was the bit that made it go BANG!
For Sebastian ran over Arnie's bomb
Which blew the whole (con)text to kingdom come.

Moral: never mix blancmange and curry.