Toady's menu

    TOADY'S MENU

Snarters:

    Inflatable soup with Dog Foam
    Bath poop
    Fribblet of soggy
    Grunge slime in haddock crump

Horse D'Œuvres:

    Stench
    Moss
    Viperous Assassin Toenail Fluff

Mange Courses:

    Soil-dough, oil-babble, cog drippings and mullet of smell, all hideously dumped in a disgusting red pus
    Carpet tiles, Peas and Eyeballs in Glue and Tar
    Pâté of Liquidised Ear, served cold in an oozingly stodgy bucket of Eggshell Plop
    Salmonella Sandwiches in Dung and Moose Brain
    Oak and Ceiling Pie delicately sprayed into the Decaying Body of a Steam-Rollered Okapi

All "served" with a fake selection of rotting vegetables, melon and goat.

Desserty Splurge:

    Fat in Cream
    Vomit Cake
    Raspberry Bang
    Gas of Sick with Tendons
    Stinking Washing in Lemony Mush
    Excrement Explosion
    Blob

Or a choice of weasels from around the world, with Hovis crackers and Spam.

Coffee, Tea, Jelly, Pustules, Scalp.

    Set Price £652.34
    Groups of 5 £9.80m

Smelly dribble

On a roll of 6, the Bulgars become active.

Post ĵeto de 6, la bulgaroj aktiviĝas.

THIS IS A JOURNEY INTO AN OSTRICH
A JOURNEY WHICH ALONG THE WAY
WILL BRING US LOTS OF INTESTINAL MUCUS
SEMI-DIGESTED FOOD
SICK, PUS, BLOOD AND DISEASE
HORRIBLE PUMPING ORGANS OF THE THORAX
AND LOTS OF SMELLY DRIBBLE

Inflatable soup...

Hairy scribble

Arthur burst through the doors of the saloon. "If anyone here says 'philosopheme', I'll plug him so full of lead they can use him as a pencil!"

сκρίββλε δε ώββλε;
        (Homer, Od. 3.243)

{The top half of a head, with strands of hair spraying out in all directions like fireworks} яженщик

The Horrid Hairy Hemisphere
or Round Redundancy

The train will be delayed for four months due to unexpected season.

Spuggly

There once was a dusty old tome
In which words did not feel at home
From it was no gleaning
A relevant meaning
Apart from the word "pascolome".

Big trouble in little Liz
Bitter rune(/sign).

The Good, the Rad and the Spuggly
The Mauve, the Mad and the Terminally Dead.
Vacuum Cleaner II
Basic Latin
The Silence of the Spams
Once Upon a Time in the Goat
Go for a Walk with Me
Indecision
The L.C.D. Display Digital Grapefruit

Irrelevanto

There was a young girl of the Hague
Who was so incredibly vague
She always deconstructed
Until her death obstructed
Yet still she deconstructed as she decayed.

A strange oldish fellow of Mars
Wrote odd morbid verses for hours
He spoke Esperanto
How irrelevanto
From normalcy it him debars.

{Graph of "British economy" (to -1) against "Esperanto plot" (to 2004): it's a sine wave, with a sudden halfway blip – beyond which it plunges into the axis.}

Perhaps it is ending

10 ways to tell the universe is ending

(1) The recession ends
(2) Pigs fly
(3) You understand deconstructionist texts
(4) Everyone speaks Esperanto
(5) P de M confesses all
(6) Americans acquire civilization
(7) Thatcher apologises
(8) Elks turn into goats (and vice versa)
(9) You find sitcoms funny
(10) The temperature rises a lot (or sinks. Or stays the same)

Oh dear, perhaps it is ending. That means good news for British industry – no more German competition. No more competition at all. No more industry, in fact. Oh well.

{Graph showing "British economy" plunging as "Liz's insanity" rises.} Need we say more?

Doily flan

"ANYONE WHO CAN'T SPELL 'DOYLI' OUGHT TO BE LOCKED UP AND THROWN AWAY" – Rev. K. Q. Däuley.

doily flan

Just got up.

There once was a smelly old elk
Who resembled my stepniece's whelk,
When he climbed in a hole,
He resembled a vole,
And in no way resembled a gnu.

If all the seas were fish, the fish would be bloody confused.

Oh dear – is it still there?
Yes, it is, it is!
No, it's gone – dear dear E. Konom, dear, dear E. Konomy. We loved it so.